hi, my name is michelle but hardly anyone calls me that anymore. you can call me mish, mishy, mishybear, mishula, mbear, DeRose, or motherfucker. I don't really care.

seeing as I have a little biography type thing in my profile on here, I guess i'll just skip that, and treat this like a journal. my actual journal is http://greatestjournal.com/~mishybear, which is why I hardly ever update blogs on myspace, or livejournal, and why I'm only just now doing so here. but I figure, here i don't really know anyone, and there are people who might be interested in listening, so why not?

okay. well, i'm feeling pretty accomplished because I just fixed up my page :) as you've probably seen by now (or are seeing right now.) i made the banner and everything, as well as the color scheme, and i'm just really happy it looks the way I want it. probably what inspired this entry.

resisting the urge to update my gj. i live on that thing, for serious. but I try not to update everyday, i try to wait at least two days. because I don't want people getting annoyed w/ my updates, and when you post less, they read more, and i'd like them to. not for the sake of comments, but because well, i'm updating there for a reason. I want to tell people about what's going on in my life, and my head, and i want someone to talk to about such things. they won't talk if they don't read, you know? and they won't read if there's more words every single day.

so what I wanted to say in my gj isn't really too important to waste an update with. it was just about fixing up my buzznet, and the fact that i'm really enjoying this book mandi gave me to read, "the perks of being a wallflower". it's written in the same way "the catcher in the rye" is, and that is my favorite book of all time. in catcher, there were so many things I related to, so many thoughts and feelings I couldn't put into words myself, that it was just so shocking to read them and go "HEY! this kid felt that, too! SOMEONE GETS IT!" or at least read them and finally see them put down into words. i'm getting the same thing w/ this book, wallflower, and it's incredible. it's made me cry twice, lmao. :(

SPRING BREAK! first day -> today. i didn't even go to school, which I sort of regret, because I was going to bring something for someone. my history teacher last quarter was ms mayes, and she is fucking amazing. she's the youngest teacher, mid 20's and she's just like a kid. i'm not kidding or exaggerating. you'd have to know her.. in fact, if you go to my videos on here, there should be one of her. if not, i'll go upload it now. she's just... real. not a bullshitter and she doesn't try and be "proper", and she always has a HILARIOUS story to tell. she doesn't treat us all the same, either, and in the good way. she loves everyone she meets (for the most part, we all have people we don't get along w/ obviously), because she loves how different everyone is. anyway, she's amazing. we've switched history classes just this week, which was the school board's fault, and everyone in our class (including ms mayes) was upset. becky and I were crushed, so we go and spend lunches with her. she lets anyone walk into her room, people do it all the time, during class and everything. yesterday we went and talked, and she may have convinced me to try and go to college.

anyway, she loves swedish fish, and always is encouraging kids to buy her stuff like that. she says "just so you know, I will accept candy for grades. buy me candy. swedish fish, anything red." lmfao. so I asked her what else she likes, and she said she likes "puff puff cheetos" lmao, so I got her a big bag. I said I'd bring it tomorrow, which would be today, but obviously i didn't because I didn't go. that's really the only reason I regret getting out of school at the last minute.

so anyway, my plans for spring break areeeee.... nothing. the only thing on my agenda is easter, which will be celebrated saturday at my grandma's in Illinois. that's an hour away from here in hoffman estates. I live in kenosha, wisconsin, by the way, which is a suburb of Chicago. so the only reason i'm really looking forward to going is because my cousin amber is. amber is more like my sister. she's the one out of two people I enjoy talking on the phone w/. she lives in harvard illinois, so it's our only way of keeping in touch, though we like write insane letters sometimes. then call eachother and tell eachother we've sent one. so yeah, that'll be fun, beacuse i'll get to show her my tattoo. no one else, though. it was hard enough telling everyone about my first. they only found out about it a few months ago, and most people found out on accident. no one should know about this one, they might freak. my family is insanely judgemental, and the hugest fucking gossips. it's not even funny.

but I do love them. I miss my uncle rob. he's only five years older than me, and his sister is his fraternal twin aka my aunt kim. kim and rob, the twins. they were born on september 11th, no kidding. the four of us (me, amber, kim and rob) have always been really close, being the only kids in the family. back when I was little. but now everyone is growing and we don't hang out anymore, don't beg to go to eachother's houses- we only really get holidays. we don't have the time. and summer, but none of it really happened last summer.. but I think we're all kind of missing eachother. I know amber and I miss our aunt and uncle.

amber is two years older than me, by the way. making her sixteen. and she's totally different than me, judging by the music she likes, and the shows she watches, and the people she hangs out with and what she does on weekends. but we're so close that none of that is really a problem, we have the same sense of humor and the same kind of minds, and we're just... close. it's one of those really rare relationships, I guess. i'd be jealous if I didn't have it. i guess i'm just really thankful for her. and my family, actually. i'm thankful for everything I have, even though I'm bad at showing it.

mandi comes to mind right about here. she'd take so long to explain, but she's my best friend, the person who keeps me together and i'm not exaggerating when i say without her, i'd fall apart. i'm just thankful.

so yeah, those are my.. happenings. if this was gj, I wouldn't have even considered writing this much. I don't know why I am now. I might regret it later. oh well. ps, thanks for reading.

[/mbear]